Foggy?

I read this blog about baby blues & post partum depression recently, and the description of a "fog lifting" struck me. What a great description! With Jack I felt more than foggy, I was completely overwhelmed. This time it's much harder to describe. There is something that's off, and I can't put my finger on it. I've been feeling like I'm about to come down with a cold or something- like I feel off, extra tired but no specific symptoms like runny nose or sore throat.

Well Friday morning I believe I experienced the lifting of said fog. I woke up with Henry, fed and changed him, brushed my teeth (which in the last few weeks has been skipped sometimes), put in my contacts (also skipped sometimes), put on deodorant (also skipped), put hairspray in my hair to tame the flyaways (skipped), got dressed (skipped), came downstairs put Henry in his swing for a nap, ate a leisurely breakfast, drank some tea, got Jack up and dressed (yes, he's also been living in his PJs), and decided to go to Trader Joe's. I decided to let Jack walk through the store while I pushed Henry in the cart. I took this on as an intentional test of Jack's ability and my patience- it went really well. When we got back I let Jack play outside with the neighbors (which I've also been avoiding because I'm worried he won't listen when it's time to go home).

Honestly if I was still feeling "foggy" I wouldn't have done more than 1 or maybe 2 things this morning. But it was like this morning I felt mostly like myself and it just felt like it was time to get back to normal.

Spring is in the air

Which means Jack knows to look out the window and ask to go play with Emma and Josephine and Charlie. Charlie has a cool new ride.

There was some yardwork.

They have to earn their keep, you know?!

Maya, Kiersten, Emma and Josephine (who all very generously let Jack and Charlie play with them.) Jack and Charlie are the only boys and they are also 15 months or more younger than the ladies.

Favorite Things

Every once in a while it's good to take inventory of these things. Because kids, and even us grown adults, change so much I find that if I don't reflect on what makes me squee every once in a while, I forget that it was ever a favorite thing.

Jack-
The way he says "Round and Round" when he sings the Wheels on the Bus song.
His expression "Where'd ___ go?" because he uses it properly and also to mean 'someone has my toy' and also 'I'm hiding something from you and you should play with me to find it."
The fact that he puts his shoes on by himself.
He freely gives out hugs and kisses to Daddy, me and little brother Henry.

Henry-
The way he gives me the side-eye.
When he squeaks and squawks in his sleep.
His determination to practice head control at less-than-perfect times.
The way he tries to smile.

Matt-
He's a good husband.
He makes delicious food off-the-cuff.
He's very, very handy.
When he's trying to listen (instead of trying to ignore me) he's a really good listener, which also makes him a great conversationalist.


Here's a random thing: I think I'm giving up meat. (Not fish... I'm not crazy; fish is delicious!) But Jack doesn't really like meat, and lately I find that I feel yucky when I eat it (during, not after... because I'm thinking about what it used to be.... ack!). I don't know when this official change will occur, and I will make exceptions for eating at other people's houses because I don't want to be rude and be all "I don't eat that." But I'm thinking that meat might no longer play a role in our home-cooked meals. Matt can eat whatever he wants... I'm just hoping that he'll be willing to make Emily & Jack friendly options.

Workin'

When GiGi comes to visit it's not all fun and games. This 24 hour long visit included some errands, but mostly GiGi decided it was time my house had a good cleaning. The whole house. Jack helped.

There was also some silliness.

Some napping.

Some stargazing.

But mostly it was all about the work.

Cloth diapers line dried, in a townhouse. I'm so excited for the fresh-smelling goodness! I've never line dried them before... we might be starting a new tradition!

Confessions

Before Henry was born my greatest fear was juggling the needs of two at once. I was, frankly, terrified of what would happen when they both needed me at once; or worse when Jack decided Mommy was busy with the baby so now's the time to get into trouble. I wasn't worried about what to do, but how I would FEEL that I couldn't help both boys at once. The reality is, it's not that bad. Yes, sometimes Henry starts to cry when I'm making Jack's sandwich or helping Jack on the potty, but it doesn't bother me like I thought it would.

I wasn't worried about taking care of a baby again. I didn't do anything to remind myself about baby care. Clearly, I forgot all about those pesky growth spurts. I wonder what else I forgot about?

I didn't rest properly at first because I was afraid of the baby blues. I had them pretty bad with Jack, so anytime I felt tired I wondered if it was just physical tiredness or if it's wasn't that I was going to start crying over nothing and not feeling attached to my new little man. Turns out, feeling tired can be just as simple as that.

Leaving the house is daunting. It's certainly not impossible for me to take both boys out by myself, but I really don't want to. Why? The scariest part is Jack is not old enough to be reliably trusted to be safe in a parking lot or store. This means I wait for Matt to come home and take just one boy out, or leave them both with Daddy while I run an errand.

I'm glad that Henry takes formula because I have no plans to pump for the times I'm out and Matt needs to feed him. Why? I don't want to ever have to think about whether or not I should pump to store, I have enough, it's gone bad and I NEVER want a call from Matt telling me that he ran out and I have to come home to provide more.

I eat more TJs ice cream sandwiches than any normal person should.

I might be back in my pre-pregnancy jeans but I am not back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

I like that my midwives told me to take it easy because I now have eliminated nap-guilt.

I should drink more water, but it's hard and I use my toddler as an excuse because he's always "stealing" my water.

Ok, I confessed... so now it's your turn.

I'm a little traumatized...

Henry is also shocked.

Jack built a fortress of solitude.

Because Henry is in 0-3 month clothes now. Goodbye newborn sizes?!

He also is out of newborn diapers, which means I have a box that I have to return to Target- I hope they'll take the exchange, and a box that's already open, but it's like herding feral cats to get him into N size, so I think it's time to give up now... besides according to the Wii Fit Henry weighs 10 lbs... it's not very accurate but clearly indicative that it's time to move to size 1.

Also, last night was a little rough. Henry was hungry for 4 hours. Strait. Since I'm not actually a dairy cow, at the 3 hour mark we decided to try his first bottle. He took it fine and then was hungry again which means it was back to me to provide sustenance. So despite the fact that from 6-10 last night Matt and I both wanted to pull our hair out we learned that Henry will take a bottle (of formula- at least today), he appears not to have a cow's milk allergy (because regular formula is made of cow's milk- which means his insane fussiness has nothing to do with the dairy in my diet), Mylicon drops help... sorta but this kid has a very crampy digestive system.

Jack never screamed and screamed and screamed before pooping or having gas, but it appears that these things are VERY painful for Henry. I'm hoping that as he grows this will become less of a problem because it's a bummer that A. I can't do anything for him and B. He makes it very hard to watch TV in the evenings without turning the volume to deafening levels.

At least he's a total cutie pie... I guess we'll keep him!

3 Weeks Tomorrow?!

" Too Fit." Which is Jack for "Too big/ too small/ doesn't fit."

Henry doing his impression of a big ole cutie pie.

Has it been 3 weeks already?! It feels like he's always been here, in the best kind of way.

Captions

Bathtime, or tasty baby snack?

Tummy time= fail.

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.

Hammy Ham.

GiGi snuggles. aka Mommy gets a break.

Happy First Birthday Sophia!! Jack's counting down the days till prom.

Now that's service!

I received a phone call yesterday from one of the nurses at Special Beginnings. They're just checking in. She asked a really comprehensive list of questions, everything from "How is Jack doing?" to "Are you eating balanced meals?" The whole conversation lasted about 30 minutes. I learned one very important thing- I'm not taking it easy enough.

So I need to put my feet up more and take more naps?... okay!

Random Victories

1. I put on my pre-pregnancy jeans Sunday- and they FIT! (Comfortably, with only minimal muffin top.)

2. Despite my daily snuggles with Henry, Jack isn't jealous he just wants to participate. Which means double the snuggles! Also in spite my frequent tummy-to-tummy cat naps with Henry he's still sleeping 5 hours at a time, alone in his pack n play every night.

3. We replaced the bushes in the front yard for the third spring in a row. I'm going to move before I have to do this again, it's driving me nuts!

Shave and a haircut... 2 bits

I often catch a little afternoon snuggle time like this. It's a rough life, I tell ya'!

Finally I caved in and cut Jack's hair. I love his blonde curls but it drives me nuts that it doesn't all grow in a the same rate. We bribed him with a movie and some candy. He did a pretty good job sitting still.

Now he's still my little blondie bear but now he's ready for warmer weather!

2 week weigh in

Has it been 2 weeks already?! Yup... well, two weeks tomorrow, technically. I forgot to ask you folks for guesses, so you'll just have to forgive me. Remember, he was 8lbs 8oz and 19.5 inches at birth. Today he weighed in at 8lbs 11oz and 21.75 inches long.

What makes this cool? This was Jack's exact birth weight and length. What else? Henry was 4 days early and Jack was 11 days late so Henry weighs what he would have weighed had he been born 10 days past his due date.

What's the difference? Head size. Jack's head was always in the 90th/95th percentile... while Henry sits comfortably at the 60th. So if you think they look alike but can't figure out what the difference is... perhaps that is it.

Happy Friday!

How's it going?

Over all I'd say, great. I'm a little tired, which is to be expected. Having my mom here to help while Matt was back at work was key. She made some more meals and did a bunch of playing with Jack. Being at home alone with the boys isn't a super scary proposition... going to a friend's house is fine too it's the running errands/making doctors appointments even going to the mall or going for a walk seems really daunting right now.

But as I start to get out more and more and as Henry's diaper changes and feedings become more and more spread out it will be easier to make these trips without risking juggling a toddler having a breakdown while I'm stuck changing or nursing his brother.

I can't seem to stay away

I went back to the Birth Center today and I was really excited to go. They have a breastfeeding boutique complete with Lactation consultant and everything. The feedings are going well, but I figure if I'm going to do this whole breastfeeding thing for a whole year again I might as well get some nice bras this time around. Those Target nursing tanks can only take me so far... and they aren't very, you know, supportive. I am SUPER impressed with their selection! I got 2 really awesome bras, and honestly- I don't have regular bras that are this supportive and comfy!!
We ran into David, who delivered Henry, and I CRIED when I gave him the card I wrote and thanked him again. It's hard to really explain how much is different this time. Most of the difference is attributable to not being a new parent and not being scared and overwhelmed by everything. But having a positive birth experience is HUGE too, especially for me because I put so much stock in it.

Jack is enjoying a new favorite activity- rearranging the furniture to make trains, tunnels, bridges and forts. This was one of my favorite activities as a kid and I can remember doing this well into my preteen years (my brother was 7 when I was 12, remember). Clearly I have a long road of putting furniture back ahead of me, which is fine because watching his creative juices flow in this way is really quite amusing!

What would you do?

Henry slept for 6.5 hours Saturday night. Which was so so awesome. However, I woke up in pain PAIN and so eventually we had to wake him up so I could feed him. Would you have woken him up? If you were awake anyway from the pain?

I assume there is a developmental difference between counting to 6 and being able to correctly count 6 objects. Jack can count to 20 but he can also count up to 6 objects correctly and then tell us that there are 6 cars, crackers, whatever. (More than 6 and he gets confused.) I've tried to google and come up with nothing definitive... should I be impressed with his counting skills or assume he's on-par?

Edited**
Hilarious. Tonight we gave him 3 cookies. We asked him how many he counted "One, two, three cookies," and then he said "Where did four go?" My mom, Matt and I laughed until we nearly cried! And then every time he ate one he asked "Where did three/two/one go?"
Dude, you ate it.
He may have a future as a con artist.

Baby Om

This is Henry and my prenatal yoga teacher Darlene.

I went to visit my yoga classes this week to show off Henry. On Tuesday I had 2 classes worth to fawn over him because at 35 weeks I downgraded from my stand-on-your-head (level 2) yoga class to a balance-on-one-leg (level 1) yoga class. On Friday I had my prenatal class to attend, of course it was awesome to see everyone and joke about returning to the scene of the crime.

I am pleased to announce that Henry has lost his belly button stump. I might have to have a chat with him, being a baby isn't a race... not only did he come out earlier than his big brother but he's lost his stump earlier too. What's the hurry?! Slow down!

Delay of Game

The Easter Bunny gave us a 5 day grace period due to the birth of Henry (the day before Easter). But last night we got the memo that he was coming to our house today.

First we had a morning Easter egg hunt, for which I have a very cute 2 minute long video which the grandparents will have to appreciate at another time.
We then dyed Easter eggs. I had planned to do this on Saturday April 3, but I was otherwise occupied.

Jack, Henry, Daddy, Mommy. Jack enjoyed dropping the eggs in the dye and then observing as they turned color.

He also did some of his own egg coloring.

Grandma and Grandpa Newton came over with some yummy lunch, to bring Jack some Easter treats... Mommy and Daddy may have walked away with a few yummy treats of their own!

Then we took an "Easter" walk.

I have to add- at 5 days postpartum with Jack I was coming home from the hospital. Walking into the house from the car was exhausting. I nearly passed out in the shower, I cried over EVERYTHING. Jack, on the other hand, was a super alert wide-eyed kid. At 5 days postpartum with Henry, I cleaned my house, hosted Grandparents (may have fallen asleep right at the end there...), walked a mile, and I feel really really good. Henry, however, is a sleepy, sleepy boy.

Not that there won't be times that I'm exhausted, emotionally drained, fed up and ready to run off to Bora Bora... but I'm so pleased that I'm actually prepared to meet said challenges head-on as opposed to fighting for the strength to walk to the bathroom so I can stand alone and cry.

In the cutest news ever, tonight when asked to say 'night-night' to Henry, Jack walked over to him in the swing leaned down, blew him a kiss and said "I love you, Henry". Squee! It might be possible to die from cuteness... Matt and I almost did.

OCD

Probably not, but it's still funny.

In Henry news: Yesterday he was kinda... orange. So we started putting him in the sun for 10 minutes at a time to prevent any possible jaundice from getting worse. This morning he seemed less ornage, and today the pediatrician confirmed that whatever mild jaundice he did have is already clearning up- which also means we can stop waking him up every 3/ 3.5 hours to eat at night. Woo Hoo!

Frame of reference

A little compare and contrast... just for fun.

Jack.

Henry.

Big Brother

Coming in for a kiss.

Relaxing on the couch.

" Oh, Mommy, now I see what this little swing is for!"

So cute:

This morning I heard Jack waking up and since it's been about a month since I've been physically capable of getting him in the morning I took my chance to get a little one-on-one with my blondie bear. I go into his room and say "Good morning, Jack!" He pops up looks at me and says "Go see baby?" Psyched, I say "Yes, Baby Henry is in bed with daddy." And he was off and running, climbed right into bed with them and started giving 'Baby Henry' tickles. Ah-dorable!

Hello Henry!

Well, readers, as many of you know. I am now a mommy of two handsome little men. Below is my birth story in full detail. It's got info like 'cervical dilation' in it, so don't read it aloud to the kiddos, okay?!

April 2:
7:10pm- I'm laying in savasana (resting yoga pose done at the end of practice) in my prenatal yoga class. Our meditation for the pose was to focus on trusting our bodies, which to be honest, I didn't. I didn't think my body would go into labor, I really didn't believe I could trust my own body. So like a mantra I started repeating "I believe my body can do this" over and over to myself when, no joke, all of a sudden 3 HARD contractions hit me. I was breathing so deeply and writhing around on the floor, I just didn't want to ruin everyone else's relaxation time!

7:35pm- My yoga instructor, Darlene, offers to push on some of my pressure points. Because I do not believe I'm actually in labor... but if I was these points would make my contractions stronger. Nothing changes, my contractions are pretty intense but nothing to convince me I am in-fact in labor.

7:45pm- Walking to my car I had to stop and hold on to several other parked cars on my way to my own. Which forces me to come to the realization that I am actually in labor. Woo Hoo!

8:00pm- Laboring at home. Since I hadn't eaten since lunch I ate some peanut butter out of the jar. We packed the hospital bag, did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, cleared off both digital cameras, backed everything up on the hard drive and spent a lot of time laying up the stairs or bent over the bed... cause, ouch! At this point contractions were 3-4 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds.

11:15pm- My parents arrive! Thank goodness! We give my dad the quick and dirty run down of what to do and where to find things during the night and my mom, Matt and I pile into the car.

11:45pm- We arrive at the hospital. My water breaks as my mom is wheeling me up, because, no... I can't walk through the contractions. Which were every other minute lasting for an entire minute (typically this happens in transition 7-10cm dilation). So I get into triage and at this point I'm not just breathing through the contractions, I'm screaming through them. I'm trying to do my low guttural grunting, but sometimes it just came out as a scream. So when the midwife, Joann, checked me and told me I was only 2-3cm I was like... oh shit, what do I do now?!
She said she never suggests pain medication to her patients in normal circumstances but because my contractions were in transition by my cervix was in early labor she suggested that I get checked in and get some stadol to hopefully slow the contractions and space them out enough that they would finally match my cervical progress. Because I couldn't relax enough between them to allow my body to do what it needed to do.

April 3:

12:30am- This is me trying not to die from pain. Can you die from pain? I was starting to think it was possible. I get me some stadol. Which didn't really take the edge off the pain of the contractions themselves but it did spread them out and make me really loopy so between contractions I was almost asleep. Right after I got the stadol the anesthesiologist came in... I'm thinking, WTF? Who invited you to this party. So I listen to his "pain management options" seminar and then say thank you, but no thank you.

2:00am- The nice main with the epidural came back because, like I said, the stadol did not take the edge off the pain of the contractions at all :-(. Too bad the position I had to sit in, the pain of the numbing injections and the pain of the epidural needle were so painful I actually screamed myself horse. I believe I said things like "Ouch" and "Get away from me" and "Stop" all while trying not to move around too much so I didn't accidentally end up paralyzed. My midwife checks me and I'm 4-5cm... well at least it's progress, right?

5:15am- Another check from the midwife. I'm 10cm. Waitexcusemewhatthefuck?! I know I said all along, I trust my body to do this, IF I go into labor. It's one thing to say that you believe your body can actually do a thing, and it's another to actually KNOW that you get to do the thing! My midwife says to me, well, "We can let you start pushing down, but since you're at +1..." I finish her thought with "let me labor-down first?" So we turn the lights back down and I try to sleep.... but I'm too excited. At least I closed my eyes and dozed for a bit.

7:35am- My shhhh secret favorite midwife, David, (who delivered Emily L's Colin) comes on duty and says, alright, it's time to push! So I push and I push, and although it took quite a while it didn't seem like a long time (also I didn't let myself look at the clock... who cares how long this takes as long as I get to do it!)

9:55am- Henry James is born!! The first thing I said? " I did it!" But then I looked down at Henry and I said "We did it! We did it!" Matt got to cut his umbilical chord. My mom held one leg and Matt held the other (until my mom switched to photography mode). I have one tiny 1st degree tear and a shiny happy disposition!

Yes. I reached down and helped deliver him myself. And then I just held him and held him and held him some more. Finally I let him go off and get measured. 8lbs 8oz. 19 inches. 4 days early.

Then big brother Jack came to visit.

Matt, Me, David and my Henry.

And then we got to do what normal delivering mommies get to do... we CAME HOME!

There really just are not words for how damn happy I am. One of the sweetest things of all was when Matt said to me "I didn't realize how much I missed out on too. I'm so proud of you, and I'm so glad you got to do it."

Often Requested

"Horsey Ride."

Grillin' time.

Jack likes his turkey burgers yummy.

I love the spring and summer because after eating inside-foods for months we now get to grill!

As Jack would say "Delicious!"