Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Crime Scene

I just spent approximately the last 30 minutes trapped inside my son's room (Jack) with him while poor Henry cried from his crib next door.

We've had the handles turned around since Jack started using a big-boy bed because we needed a way to keep him in the room so he wouldn't wander around the house in the middle of the night. I was standing on Jack's dresser, hanging on his model of the solar system (more on that in another post) when Jack shut and locked the door from the inside.

Annoyed. Yes? Pissed... okay, kinda. But I've grown up with locks like these, I used to pick them as a kid in my house growing up with simple things like the ends of shoelaces or the pointy part of the cap of a Bic pen. But Jack is not even three yet, he doesn't have shoes with laces or a desk filled with Bic pens. Shit. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!

I find this plastic hanger in his closet and break it apart to get the little metal hook. I'm still thinking about how awesome I'm going to be when I MacGyver myself out of this situation in the time it takes him to build a car out of duct tape (like 20 seconds). Well the metal hook fits part way into the door but then the hook widens and no matter how hard I shove it won't go in the little hole.

Something smaller.....

I need something smaller. Think, Emily. Sewing machine. Well I don't have anything but the sewing machine itself up here but maybe I'll get lucky and I'll have left a needle in the thing and can take it out and use that. That just has to be small enough.

There is a needle in there, and it is small enough. And that little thing must be made of steel because I pushed and shoved and it didn't bend or break but it didn't work either.

Then Jack says to me "Mommy, I need to go potty." Holyfuckingshit. This is so not happening to me. So I do what any logical mom would do when she was locked in her toddler's room. I open the window and ask him if he wants to pee out the window. He doesn't. Grrrrrreat.

It is at this point that I burst into tears. The Husband went to work late, and I told him to stay at work and not come home early so I'm going to be trapped in this room until sometime after 6 and I don't even know what time it is. There's no one walking their dogs in the open space behind our house. I don't have a clue how long I might have to wait for the neighbors kids to come home so I can yell to them to call my husband, the fire department, the president. Anybody!

I'm holding on to the knob of the door on my knees screaming, "Please, let us out! Please, let us out!" Jack now seeing that his mother has gone completely insane bursts into tears and requests a hug. "I'm sorry I locked da door, Mommy."

Snap. Back to reality. I instantly pull myself together because I have to get us out of here. I can hear Henry through the wall screaming. I start repeating over and over out loud "Every problem has a solution." Like a mantra.

"Jack, honey, look out the window. If you see Lia or any of your friends or someone walking a puppy dog tell Mommy. Can you do that?" My little soldier says "Yes, Mommy." Like he means business and walks over to the window.

"Do you want to go pee pee out the window?" "No, Mommy. Pee pee goes in the potty." Well I can't disagree with his logic.

I try to push the pins out of the hinges using that hanger hook that's too big for the keyhole in the handle of the door. They won't budge. The hook is probably aluminum, it usually takes a screwdriver and a hammer to get them out, but if I had that I could just take the doorknob off.

I make peace with what I'm about to do. Stand up take three steps back and throw myself against the door. Picturing the frame splintering and the door crashing against the walls in the hallway. At least we can fix all that. ::Smash:: My pathetic little body hits the door like a bug on a goddamn windshield. So much for that idea.

I jamb the hanger hook between the door and the frame twisting and turning it hoping to, well frankly I don't really know what I'm hoping to do. All of a sudden part of the hanger hook breaks off. The thick bulky part.

Hope. A tiny glimmer of hope. Maybe now it will fit all the way through the keyhole.

It does!!!

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Oprah Winfrey! Thank you, Tom Cruise!!

p.s Needless to say, we're turning the knob back around before bedtime tonight.

p.p.s. Yes, Jack held it till we got out and Henry's not pissed anymore, now that he's had a little snack.


emk said...

Wow!! That is quite the saga!! So glad you guys escaped!!

Lyzii said...

Oh my goodness. I hadn't really thought about doing it, but I will never switch the door handles now. We are definitely going to get a gate to keep our little one in at night.

melaniet42 said...

Holy goodness! I can't even imagine! And even worse, I was kind of chuckling just picturing the whole thing. Not in a mean way or anything, but in the "it can only happen to a mom" kind of way.... Glad you got out and everyone was ok.

Emily said...

I was laughing so hard I was crying when I told my mom the story over the phone. I mean it was scary when it was happening, but even then I had the where-with-all to know that this was going to be a hilarious story (unless I would have waited till 6 for the Husband to come home- in that case it would have been NOT funny.)

mrs.g said...

Bahahaha!!! New follower!

LambAround said...

Oh my! I love your little story here and hope you won't be mad that I laughed a bit, especially at the thought of peeing out the window (I can just imagine you over there, wishing for the day when I get locked in!) If you get a chance, I'd love for you to link this story up to my Not "Baaad" Sundays blog hop :)

Grace @ Arms Wide Open said...

oh my goodness! that sounds awful! glad you made your escape. Once I got locked on my back patio while S was in his pack n play upstairs inside the house. I FREAKED out and started screaming to the neighbors! My neighbor came over & broke in for me. Super scary so I know how you felt!

Leigh the sewing diva said...

omg i think i would have freaked out!!!
Found via the linky party on lamb around, come check out my links

Amy said...

That was a really funny story. If I had been in that situation the moment my toddler said he had to pee I would suddenly have been struck with the urge and it would have been my behind out the window which would then have brought the neighbors out walking their dogs (murphy's law being what it is) and so it would have been an interesting situation.

Glad you and your kids were both safe.

Jill @BabyRabies said...

Oh my goodness!! I am having extreme anxiety for you right now, and I know it ended well! That is CRAZY. So glad you made it out okay.